Our Lifestyle’s Changing! Again…
In my last post I was talking about dealing with depression the last decade or more and how even though I used talk therapy and thought I’d dealt with it head on, it didn’t really work out that way in hindsight. Depression is a hell of a thing and leaves a massive path of havoc in its wake. Well, my experience is no different. There have been messed up relationships with me and the kids – I was known as “Angry Dad” back in Texas – there have been messed up relationships with family and it has just wreaked havoc on my life the last 11 yrs or so. Despite our best efforts holding our relationship together thru all of that turmoil and more, ultimately, Mrs. SSC and I are separating.
Mrs. SSC
I can honestly say I haven’t met one person as impactful on my life as Mrs. SSC. She turned me around to become a better person, a better version of me, even while struggling thru my depression. She set our family up very, very, well in life financially and I wouldn’t even be involved in this community if it wasn’t for her. While I was the one that took to it like a fish in water, she was the one that introduced me to the PF community, FIRE – I still don’t want to live off $26k/yr – and put us in the position to let me be a Stay At Home Dad (SAHD) the last 15 months.
She’s been truly amazing for me and without her I have no doubt that I wouldn’t here to write this. She’s done a lot for me and my life in ways I won’t even go into. For that I am truly thankful. Thank-you so much.
Slowly Sipping Coffee
The blog will continue on. I’ll revamp some of it since it’s just me now but there’s a whole shit ton of stuff for me to unpack (pun intended), sort through, and figure out moving forward. All of this will be amazing blog fodder, a great place for me to work thru things as well, and will have a lot more interesting reads than loads of Twitter pics of “lumberjacking”, snake wrangling, spider herding, and more!
There will be fun posts like, “But I don’t want to get a job” followed up with, “So, I got a job ☹” or, “I need a doc, my passive income stream won’t start!” followed by, “Maybe I need a urologist, because my passive income stream keeps stopping and starting…” Whatever comes of life, you can be sure I’ll put most of it on here. 😊
Me – Jay – Mr. SSC
Well, now that my lifestyle is different, I’ve got to figure out life. I have plenty of ideas of what to do for passive income or other income streams, those will be in a future post, and what to do with life in general. I really like the life I have right now with volunteering, subbing (yes, even subbing), CASA (I’m about to get a new case), and Scouts. It has been nice and I like the freedom to go to the kids fieldtrips, their school, see them during the day, sub for their class (2x now), or more. They keep telling me to sign up for gym sub and I’m like, “those go really quickly! Lol”
Also moving forward, expect to keep seeing as many pics of me as I have already posted. I won’t change the avatar because, come on, I Dream of Fire nailed it with that one! I will have a pic or 2 of me on the blog and use my name and all that stuff because I don’t care about anonymity. It’s just who I am.
Hi, I’m Jay, I’m a talkative over-sharer, nice to meet you!
Summary
That’s it. We’re separating, life will be different and crazy and who knows what it will look like a year from now? I know for sure that I certainly have no clue what it would look like. I know we’ll be co-parenting and raising our family with as much cooperation, love, and support from the 2 of us as there was before, except it will never be like before because the whole situation is different, but, you get it right?
That’s what’s going on around here. I hope your holidays were INFINITELY better than mine, and that you’re also NOT dealing with this sort of situation. Unless you’re getting out of a bad situation and then, good for you! Way to take control and get your life back! I hope everyone has a great, safe, New Year’s Eve and an even happier New Year!
I’ll see you in 2020!
Diana
December 30, 2019Oh, Jay. I’m heartbroken for you & your family. Thank you for your continued honesty and humor. I hope all goes as well as can go for everyone.
Mr SSC
December 30, 2019Thanks for the support, and it is heartbreaking. We are all hoping for the same outcome.
Thanks so much for the support. 🙂
Rose
December 30, 2019Oh Jay. Thank-you for being so honest about everything. I already told you how it has helped me personally after your last post.
But please make sure you take care of you. It is always important, but especially now.
This is a big virtual hug.
Mr SSC
December 30, 2019Thanks for the virtual hug and more kind words. They mean a lot. We’re working on making sure everyone in the famioly is being taken care of as much as they can or need to be, and personally, my network was WAY bigger and stronger than I thought. That has been amazing to discover.
Thanks again for the hug and I hope your situation is improving.
Done by Forty
December 30, 2019I trust that this is the best decision for your family, and please let me know if you want to chat over DMs, play a board game online, whatever.
Best of luck to you guys. Let me know if I can help.
Mr SSC
December 30, 2019I will take you up on that offer! I’m travelling the next week for things, but will get in touch when I get back. Thanks so much for the offer and support!
Buckeyecub
December 30, 2019Wow Jay. You have alot going on. Prayers for you and family. A big change for all of you. Sounds like you and Mrs SSC have the right focus going forward to be the best parents you can for your son’s, regardless of the separation.
Mr SSC
December 30, 2019OMG, that post doesn’t even come close… lol or cry, cry cry… idk… Our focus is trying to get this resolved as quickly, amicably and fairly as possible and disrupt the kids as little as possible.
That’s about all we can do at this stage. Thanks for the prayers. 🙂
Jason
December 30, 2019I am very sorry to hear this. I wish you nothing but the best of luck for the coming year. My holidays, unfortunately, were the worst of my life, but that is a story for another time. Best of luck Jay.
Mr SSC
December 30, 2019Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that about your holidays. This was the first time I’d spent Xmas eve, AND Xmas day solo and whoa! Talk about Sucktown… Literally the worst holidays I’ve had, and I know Mrs. SSC would second that in a heartbeat. It was a heartbreaking December for sure.
If you want to talk, vent, have someone to listen, feel free to send a message. I don’t know where this email goes, so skip that but at Twitter I’m @coffeesippers and hit me up in DM’s there. Or just tweet me and I’ll send you my cell. I’m also easy to find on Linked In if you search Jay Skinner geologist LA TX CO, lol.
Seriously, I’m reaching out and giving you an ear so please take advantage of that. I have SO much free time, holy shit… It was great a year ago, currently, not so much, but that will slowly change. Anyway, just putting it out there if you want to talk, or just word vomit or whatever. I’ve had LOTS of those type friends pop up as this situation is becoming known and I’ve become one of those to another friend of mine and life’s too rough to do solo. Reach out, word vomit to strangers. It’s the best because even if they gossip about it, its noone you even know that they tell. Bwahahahaha
I mean… If they broke the confidentiality of friends and told someone that is. 🙂
Im also sorry to hear about your shitty holidays as well, and reach out. Take care man. Best of luck to you too, but that sounds too final… So, reach out, connect and lets get this stuff out of our heads. it’s cathartic to blab. 🙂
Erik @ Hippies de Land Rover
December 31, 2019Hi Jay,
I’m really sorry to hear about this separation, I hope things can work out in “the new way” and mostly that you, Mrs SSC and the kids are better that way. Keep up writing we’ll be around.
All the best!
Mr SSC
January 9, 2020Thanks for the support and encouragement, I really appreciate it!
Dave @ Accidental FIRE
December 31, 2019Really sorry to hear this dude. The holidays are always tough for me as a perpetually single person, but sounds like mine weren’t nearly as bad as yours. But you know what, let’s make 2020 the best! Thanks for your transparency and happy New Year
Mr SSC
January 9, 2020Yeah the holidays were pretty rough this year, thats for sure. Even as a single person, I usually had friends around in the same boat and we’d do our own Xmas Eve and Xmas get togethers. I’m all for making 2020 the best, I already signed up to swim from Alcatraz to the shore and really need to start training for that, lol. Tomorrow, my first lake swim!!
dap
December 31, 2019Wow, what a gut punch Mr. SSC. Thanks for sharing such a difficult situation. Your articles on a FFLC have been inspirational and I wish you and your family the best. After you have time to reflect, if you could share any perspectives, that would be much appreciated. First MMM, now Mr. SSC. It looks like you were doing all of the right things.
Mr SSC
January 9, 2020Oh, there will be many perspectives shared in the next year, so don’t wory about that, lol. Actually, the blog will get back to more PF stuff since I haven’t tracked any of that for a few years. even more lol.
Angela @ Tread Lightly Retire Early
December 31, 2019Sending lots of love to you all. This had to be a very hard post to write, but I’m so glad you’re sticking around.
Mr SSC
January 9, 2020Thanks for the support!
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life
January 4, 2020May you be able to work out a smooth transition for the whole family in this difficult time. You all deserve to find and make your happiness, whatever form that will eventually take. All the love.
Mr SSC
January 9, 2020Thanks! We’re trying our best to make it smooth. I agree, everyone deserves to fid and make their own happiness, and it doesn’t always look like evryone else’s version of happiness though. Sorta like PF Twitter, lol. Evreyone forgets that it’s “personal”. 🙂
Tracy
January 6, 2020I’ve been reading you since the beginning, although I don’t think I’ve ever commented. Thank you for your honesty, transparency, and for sticking around. Sending you peace and love…
Mr SSC
January 9, 2020Thanks for reading so long and for the emotional support. 🙂
Liz
January 9, 2020Sending love and support your way. Also available if you want to talk sometime. Up until March, I too will have lots of time on my hands.
I don’t know what it’s like to divorce with children involved, but I do know how hard it is to separate from someone you love, even when it is the right decision for both parties.
Wishing you all the best.
Mr SSC
January 9, 2020Thanks so much for the support. I’ve gotten some good “non-bar” tips for places to hang out and find company. I’ll take you up on your offer for sure.
Separation sucks, especially when it’s not from a lack of love, and even more when kids are involved. I do feel like once the rawness of it dies down, it will end up being the best for everyone, but it’s also hard to believe that at times.
Don’t forget about a possible New Orleans, no frills, whoever wants to show up can show up PF meet up. Something to plan that could take up some of that free time, perhaps? lol
Joy
January 9, 2020I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and am so sorry to hear about your separation. Hopefully you will find balance in your life and the co-parenting thing with MRS SSC will continue to be amicable.
So about the free time, it sounds like you’re a wood worker. Do you turn wood? My husband just got into turning wood and there is a wood turners group in our area (Iowa). They meet once a month, but it was an opportunity to connect to others with similar interest in the area for more times than once a month. Not sure if that’s something available in OK or not, or if there is a wood working group. Just throwing that out there if you haven’t thought of that before, maybe to use up some of your free time. 🙂 Take care and wishing you the best.
Mr SSC
January 29, 2020I’m hoping for the same, and at least currently, even in the high emotion phase, we’re still being amicable. We’re hoping that it continues like that.
I haven’t gotten into turning wood yet, but I have had a lathe set aside for a while watching for price drops. My FIL turned me off on the idea because his version of “lathe and tools” would run about $2k… When I was talking with a contractor he was tlaking about turning and I asked what lathe he had etc… and he laughed and said, “you’re assuming I can afford a better lathe/tools”. Touche, salesman, touche! Sure nicer lathes would have more features and better tolerances but… That would let me get into turning a LOT cheaper, so I may do that. There are wood turning groups around here, and wood working groups, and bee keeping roups, and I’m getting into the song-writers group around here and meeting people to play music with. It’s just balancing out which thing to do on thursday nights, since it’s also my DBSA meeting time… Booo, everyone loving to meet on thursday nights, lol.
Also, thanks for following the blog, and your suggestions. I appreciate them both! 🙂
Jay
January 13, 2020Hows it going Mr. SSC? Havent seen any posts in a while, hope all is well.
Mr SSC
January 29, 2020I’m doing. 🙂 Posts are spotty, but trying to keep putting out 1 a week. trying… lol