5th Graders: A Lesson in Volunteering
It doesn’t seem like a year since I left my job, but we’re coming up on 13 months away from full time work! Whoa! That’s the longest I’ve gone “un-employed” since I started working at age 15. I made it a whole 54 weeks before getting any W2 type work. That gig is “guest teaching” formerly known as substitute teaching or “subbing”. With the stellar pay of $60/day it’s still volunteering in my book, lol. What have I done in the past year? A crap ton of volunteering, that’s what. I’ve also applied to 2 different jobs that looked fun, I got accepted for one of them, and I’ve come to find out that I like carving things with a chainsaw. Who would’ve thought? I also had a really valuable lesson taught to me about volunteering, by a 5th grade classroom I subbed for. What did they teach me and how did it cause me to re-evaluate everything I’m putting my energy towards? Well, that’s a pretty funny story.
5th Graders… Ugh…
Last week was my first foray into guest teaching, or as I’ll call it from here on out, subbing. I had the unruly 2nd grade class on Thursday, that went well, even with one of the kids karate kicking his desk 3’ across the class because I made him stop playing with the electrical outlets. The nerve of me, right?!
That day went fine, and the next day I was in pre-k with an assistant teacher, so it should be a cakewalk right? No… I got bumped to the 5th grade classroom, and omg… Mostly, they were fine but man those pre-teen hormones made a handful of them act like know-it-all, argumentative, disruptive, busy bodies. Yipes! I wasn’t mentally prepared for the amount of correcting, disciplining, attempts from them to argue discipline, and even more and by the end of the day, I swore off voluntarily accepting a 5th grade assignment again and re-evaluating my other volunteer commitments. But this is where the story gets funny…
Irresponsible Dog Owners, ugh…
I was wound up after getting home and pacing and talking thru the day wasn’t dropping my anxiety levels so I went for a run. It had been months since my last run, but it felt good to be out there getting rid of that energy and getting good endorphins. When I got to mile 2, I had a dog bark at me, no biggie, they do that, except this dog kept following me, getting closer and starting to snap at my legs. WTF?! I turned and stomped at it, and instead of it running off, as per the usual, it backed up and started aggressively lunging towards me. Well, it did that until I started chasing it. Yep, I chased it all the way back to it’s house and then I gave the owner an earful about being a crappy dog owner.
At this point I’m even more adrenalined up than when I left to run and I pretty much stomped back to the house. My run is wrecked and I’m in a worse mental spot than before.
I get home and after relaying the events to Mrs SSC I go to my fall-back endorphin exercise; chopping wood with an axe. I head back to my wood pile and find a log that I can’t use for carving or other things and light into it. After about 30-40 minutes, I’m spent, my adrenaline is spent, my arms are rubber and I feel a lot better. Spending all that time worked up over volunteering got me thinking.
Why Do I Do This?
So far, I’ve been volunteering a lot of different places, but they’re mainly the places I already spend time. These are the elementary school and scouts, but I’ve gotten pretty heavily involved jumping in with both feet at both places. However, I volunteer because I find a need that isn’t being met, I step up to help out and hopefully it’s also rewarding. I’m not naïve, I know volunteering isn’t going to be sunshine and roses, but it should at least be rewarding. If it isn’t, then my opinion is that whatever you’re volunteering for isn’t a good fit for you and you should look for other opportunities to put your time towards. They’re out there and when you find them, it doesn’t feel like anything but fun, rewarding, work. The hardest free work, you’ll ever do, but you don’t care because you love it.
That’s my standard for volunteering and maybe it’s out of touch with reality, but I get that from the elementary school and everyone I’m involved with (except the 5th graders, lol), I mostly get that from scouts, and definitely get that from CASA. However, after my 5th grade day from hell that just kept going after school was over, I asked myself if all of my volunteering ventures really were worth it. The answer surprised me.
Clawing Back My Time
I found out that everything I volunteer for is not rewarding, does not meet my criteria for being “worth it” and I need to do something about it. However, that would have to wait until at least Tuesday because I was subbing for the 5th grade again on Monday. I know right?! Two days in and I break my own rule about volunteering for them, but to be fair, this was submitted when I thought I’d still be subbing for pre-k and before the hell that would be known as 5th grade… Interestingly enough, as I was teaching fractions we got into the discussion of work, what I did, when/where in life people “really” use fractions and more, and even the topic of “why I sub” came up. When we went over the pay for subbing vs my last job, lol, they too realized that is essentially volunteering, with perks.
I was able to explain to them that I don’t sub for the money. I sub and volunteer everywhere that I do because I also get something out of it, hopefully more positive than negative, and I do it because I have time to do it. However, just because I have the time doesn’t mean I should fritter it away on unrewarding ventures. Amazingly, they agreed with me. The looks on some of their faces when I brought it full circle with their behavior on Friday and me not wanting to sub for their class again because they made it not worth it – priceless.
It’s the same with scouts, mostly. Our den has some new scouts that are unruly, and need constant disciplining. Even with me monitoring the handful of unruly scouts, putting them in time-out, making them sit in front of the den, etc.., etc… they just make the meeting suck. The lack of parental help, volunteering, and involvement, also makes the scouting program suck. Hearing, “well, it’s only an hour a week…” has led me to reply with, “Awesome! I’ll pay your $41 leader dues, give you my leader shirt, and you can find time to fit an hour a week into your schedule. Thanks!” Don’t complain without a solution, because I’ll give you one, lol.
CASA has been a mixed bag. It’s rewarding but I feel like I’m not very impactful because I got a softball case. Beyond the parents/foster parents drama, the kids themselves are easy, well-adjusted, behaved, respectful and they make it a breeze for me. Relating my CASA stories to our new volunteers and more veteran CASA workers made them think I’m perfect for CASA if I think that’s an easy case. Yay, I found my niche!! I want to do more with CASA and my supervisor is working to get me more involved. I’m also filling out an application for PARB, a Post Adjucation Review Board. That is another volunteer commitment where you review foster/DHS kids’ cases, the involvement with DHS and supporting programs and you advocate for them to help ensure that they are being cared for as best possible and that nothing has slipped thru the cracks. I could be a little off, but that was my understanding of that review board and it sounds like another good fit for me.
BSA (Boy Scouts of America) – wow…
Another reason I’m phasing out of scouts is the BSA’s god-awful mismanagement of their packs and dues. There are laws in place that prevent your land lord from raising the rent on the 28th of the month and expecting you to pay the increase on the 1st, but that’s exactly how BSA screwed over ALL their packs. They talked about dues increases this year but hemmed and hawed about amounts, and timing. The new increased dues were rolled out less than 2 weeks before the pack charters were due, which is about 2 months after packs stop collecting dues from members, at least in our pack. The new dues added up to $30/scout and ~$17 per adult leader. This means we can either tell all parents we need $30 MORE dollars for their kid and ask all volunteer leaders/co-leaders for more money, or we pay the extra $3k out of our budget. Who got screwed? Our pack, because that is money we can now no longer use for fun programs this year because BSA had such excellent timing with their dues increases. Great job BSA, you did it, I’m officially phasing out of scouting.
What’s Next?
I’m not sure what’s next, except for getting more involved with CASA, PARB, or similar opportunities and phasing out of scouts. I have an etsy shop to setup and start creating inventory for. I found a new free supply of cedar logs for carving, making planks, and more – shhh, don’t tell Mrs. SSC. I am getting ready for my next W2 gig that allegedly starts in January – adjunct teaching at the local University. Beyond that, I’m just trying to keep the house clean, groceries bought, kids bathed, fed, and cleaned and just moving forward with life. I have even started saying no to opportunities as I’m just too swamped to take on anything more. While I mostly like everything I’m involved with, it still takes energy and I don’t want to spend all my energy outside the family, and not have any remaining for those closest to me. It’s a real balancing act and it’s very easy to swing too far to one side or the other. I’m doing my best to keep it as close to the center as possible, but some weeks are definitely better than others.
Summary
That’s how I got a life lesson from some 5th graders, and what led me to clawing back free time from ventures that aren’t worth it, for me. Having this much free time is a pretty precious gift and I don’t want to waste it. I love spending as much time and being as involved as I am at the kids’ school, I like CASA even though I don’t feel very impactful with my current case, and I’m looking forward to stepping back from the BSA. Yes, I’m still signing up for subbing gigs, but I may limit it to 1-2 week tops. No more 3 day stretches like this past week. And yes, even being the turds lovely angels that they are, I would even begrudgingly volunteer for 5th grade again. I’m not letting those kids break me.
What about you? Have you volunteered somewhere and found it “not worth it?” Have you found someplace you love volunteering? Do you have criteria for where you volunteer or is that just me?
steveark
November 20, 2019One suggestion, unless its a four pound Yorkie, chasing a dog that has already shown aggressiveness isn’t really a top tier decision. And if it is a big dog it could be signing your own death warrant. If it is a small dog and it bites and then escapes you could be facing expensive and painful rabies therapy. I didn’t chase a dog but was attacked by a rather huge one and ended up with some serious holes in my arm and a few nervous days awaiting the results of rabies tests on a dog that had never been vaccinated. I was also stopped and held in place by the biggest pit bull I ever saw on a run. He reared up on his hind legs and leaned on me with one paw on my chest and just stood there looking me in the eye. He eventually let me go but no doubt he was the alpha. I just stood still and hoped he didn’t go for my throat.
Mr SSC
November 21, 2019Good points, and if it was the pair of mastiffs that live in our neighborhood, no way I’d do anything but be defensive or avoid them. This was still a 40 lb lab mutt mix of some sort, and the only reason I chased it was when I turned and stomped it jumped like it had been bitten by a snake, lol. Then it lunged back and when I lunged/stomped again it tucked its tail and I was like, “You’re just a scared barky little shit aren’t you?!” When I ran at it, OMG, the hilarity! It turned and bolted tail between its legs and then would turn and half hearted back when it was 20′ or so away. Stupid dog… Even standing by its owner, it was barking and hopping around like, “look what I found!” Usually this is an inside dog, or on a leash so i think it was just happy to get to run free and “protect its yard” and what not but it was super scaredy cat mode due to not being comfortable being outside? if that makes sense.
You’re right, chasing an aggressive dog isn’t a wise move at all, but after reading the body language on this one I was like, nope, I’m good. Also, I was in such an adrenalined up mood part of me was like, bring it dog! lol-eyeroll… I’ve dealt with similar situations like you describe and when the dog is actually wanting to be aggressive, oh yeah, that gets scary fast. Regardless, I’m running with pepper spray again. It’s easy to keep in my hand and I don’t mind holding stuff while I’m running, so, there we go.
Marie Jacobs
November 20, 2019I love this post and relate to it on so many levels. I cut back on hours in the office to volunteer a few hours a month at my kids’ school that has turned into many hours each week. Wow is there a lot of unmet needs there between paid volunteer like guest teacher, testing and lunch patrol and unpaid volunteer for everything from copies to classroom to fundraising to clubs. Finding people to lead anything is the hardest because it just sucks the life out of you to pour hours into creating something for others and then hear the 27 reasons people think it sucks. Thanks for the reminder that I am in control of what I volunteer for and it needs to come after my own family’s needs are met. It’s just hard to walk away and leave things as an unfilled need again when everyone else is “too busy” to help.
Mr SSC
November 21, 2019Yes! This exactly! There is such a conflict of emotions walking away from anything that needs help, you’ve been helping with, and you know that there will just be a void waiting to be filled when you do leave. It makes it hard for sure. Maybe I ahve a stricter standard than most, but when it affects the family and my mood at home and not in a good way, then it’s time to re-evaluate if it’s worth it. At least for me.
Also, any school could use volunteers at anytime doing anything they are willing to do. During my WatchD.O.G. days, I see lots of parents coming in to help out with copies, organizing papers, etc… While subbing, I had 2 different parents come in, different classrooms, different days, and help organize folders, or prep the science assignment and weigh out gravel, sand, sort materials and have it ready to go. Like I told the 5th graders, I volunteer at that school because it feels like more of a family than a school. So many families pitch in where they can to make it run smoothly. Unlike Houston, it isn’t just throwing money at it, and money doesnt help with giving teachers extra time, like prepping science labs, or organizing papers, or other small seemingly insignifacnt tasks that mean a LOT to the teacher you’re helping out.
Thanks for your volunteer work, and good luck finding your own balance!
Nelson
November 21, 2019I echo your sentiment on the Scouts. I have been involved with my kids for 9 years or so. I have been den leader at one point or another for all three and I have to say some years there are kids who are just an absolute mess. I actually got burnt out after my middle son crossed over to Boy Scouts and took a year off. I’m back now with my youngest son and the kids are so much better. Having said that, the maturity the kids get when they reach boy scouts is pretty hard to believe, so it may make sense to stick to the sidelines for a bit and reengage when you have the energy.
I also agree with the mismanagement of the price increase, desperate times call for desperate measures but there have been a lot of really terrible leadership decisions over the last few years that really make it easy to understand why they are having so much trouble recruiting.
Liz
December 1, 2019I despise bad dog owners (being a good dog owner, myself). It is very disappointing. I see a LOT of it in the Midwest. My hometown in Missouri is quite bad and it always makes me angry and sad.
You are a real stand-up person for all the good you do. You have way more patience than me!
We need more people like you in the world.