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We’re headed to the track!

Best new investment strategy around!

Best new investment strategy around!

A while back I noticed a lot of bloggers talking about what you should do with your tax return, as opposed to what most people would actually do with their tax returns. As a kid, this was always a nice time of year because we generally got a fairly healthy tax refund. It was like a financial Christmas, and presents would be bought, we’d get treated to some dinners out, and usually within a month or less, it would all be gone. Nothing invested, maybe some immediately pressing bills caught up, but generally, it was frittered away here and there. As an adult, I’ve tried to be more fiscally responsible, which is why we invest our tax refund. This year instead of putting it into our usual investment hidey holes, I convinced Mrs. SSC to go a different route and diversify our investments. Being from Kentucky, where we’re most famous for horses and bourbon, I decided investing in bourbon wasn’t up my alley, but how could you go wrong with horses?! It’s like they say, “How do you make a small pile of cash off horse racing? Start with a big pile of cash.” So that’s what I plan to do!


That’s right, I’m putting it all into horses. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Wait a second, most horses are privately owned and you can’t really buy shares of them, can you? Are you planning on investing in a horse training facility, or farm?” You’re right, I can’t diversify our portfolio with “shares of a horse” so I’m heading to the tracks baby! I usually do pretty well on Kentucky Derby day investments, and over the last few years I’ve managed to clean up. I did some calculations and my investments at the track have yielded over 200% return year to year. I did have a down year here and there, but modeling the amount invested against the returns, makes the stock market look paltry in comparison. I mean really 7% is supposed to be a “good” number? I’m talking averaging 200% returns. If you put that into my other modeling spreadsheets, I can have us to our FI/FFLC goal 2 years earlier!! 2 years!


Now that I’ve piqued your curiosity, you’re probably wondering, “How can you do this though, because The Kentucky Derby is a month away, PLUS it is only once a year. You won’t be able to make that much on one race, right?” You’re right again, I knew we had some smart readers! Plus, like I’ve found on all the FI blogs I read, you don’t want all your eggs in one basket, so I’ll be diversifying and spreading my investments over MANY races. I have taken our tax refund and parlayed it into a side hustle of betting on horses! We’re midway through the racing season, so I only have a half a season left, but I’m confident that I can more than double our refund. Already, I’ve been able to get a 30% return on my “investment choices”. 30%!! Our portfolio hasn’t done that yet! It makes me want to show our portfolio my winning stubs investments and say, “Get with the program, portfolio! What have you done for me lately?! Slow and steady, more like, Slow and Slower… sheesh!” I digress…


This weekend, I plan to get the investment action in full swing though. I’ve been researching the upcoming races around the country, track conditions, racing surfaces, horses, and put them all into a spreadsheet. Then I run a few Monte Carlo scenarios and pick the new members of the SSC Investment Portfolio. It has worked well so far with predicting which “investments” I should be making, so I will continue to follow it. I diverged from this method last weekend and I found that picking a horse with a funny name isn’t the best investment strategy, so I’ll keep science-ing it up. Not sure why I thought “Pajama Pancake” and “Tweedling Peanut” would pull out a win, when my spreadsheet said otherwise, but I know better now. Seriously though, I don’t know why people haven’t thought about this before, it’s pretty dang easy once you get all the variables accounted for.


I’m excited about keeping this train to FI rolling and get us retired a few years earlier than we’ve planned using traditional methods, and now I get why more people aren’t doing this whole FIRE thing. They’re sticking to slow methods with even slower investment return times. No wonder everyone works until they’re 60 or older, it takes that long for the stock market to work! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Certainly not this household. While the stock market keeps trying to make me some coin, I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank with my new diversification strategy!


Do you have a unique side hustle that outperforms the market?

Do you want a copy of my Horse Racing spreadsheet, so you too can be more diversified?

Have you realized today’s April 1st yet?

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12 thoughts on “We’re headed to the track!

  1. Abigail @ipickuppennies

    Wow, can’t believe it took me til the end of the post to realize what day it was.

    I wonder how many people will skip the last couple of lines and blast you for this idea. Hopefully, not many.

    Hope you do have at least a little fun with your refund though. Just not too much on anything that sounds like it’s saying “nay.” Ya know what I mean?

    1. Mr SSC Post author

      Most of it went to 529’s and investments, but nothing towards the ponies. 🙂
      I thought the spreadsheet and Monte Carlo simulations might make it more believable.

    1. Mr SSC Post author

      I was thinking about “we’re going to Vegas!” instead of horse racing, but that seemed even less plausible. Congrats on the roulette win!

  2. Mrs. Maroon

    Gotta admit that you had me going for a while! I read a couple other joke yesterday, but y’all’s was the best (don’t criticize… I stand behind my double-apostrophe word!!) I do love some good horse racing though. Would love to go Kentucky one day soon.. horses and bourbon. Yes please!

    1. Mr SSC Post author

      Thanks, I was trying to keep it semi-believable and still entertaining. That’s what led to putting in spreadsheets and running simulators, lol.

      Horse racing is fun, but WAY too unpredictable for me to want to bet anything substantial on. I’ll just enjoy some bourbon while watching them run. 🙂

  3. Baroness Prudent Spending

    This is probably your best post ever! I was seriously believing this but then I had a relative who was really good at this. He had his stable day job but then his “other” job. Let’s just say when he passed away, he left his widow very comfortably off and it was from spending 60-odd years with horses 🙂
    ~ Pru

  4. May

    Ha! Good one. Confession – I enjoy the horse races. I will go on “dates” with my Dad and we have a good time. Good bonding time for us and we are careful so in the end it costs less than other entertainment venues. Don’t think I would consider it an investment though – LOL

    1. Mr SSC Post author

      Horse races are fun I agree. Considering them “investments” is like considering my car an investment though. 🙂

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